Many people who become ill or depressed turn to blogging as a distraction to get away from their problems.
For years I was very ignorant about depression. I had a difficult childhood and I am still affected by it, but I was always very positive in my attitude about life and I always had hope of escaping the evil darkness.
When my father died suddenly I really felt free and released from captivity.
I finally lived like a free person, I got my driver’s licence and my brother heard about a vacant position in a company and I started working for the skunk.
(Five years later.) I think it was a combination of dashed hopes and the feeling of helplessness which contributed to me falling into depression.
I would drive along a familiar road and suddenly not know where I am, panic would take over and I could not decide where to turn to find my way to my destination. My memory was failing me and although I had always been a dependable person I felt that I could not rely on my memory, I could not remember if I had actually done something or I had wanted to do it but was distracted. I would go back and some things were done where I could not remember doing it or I would go back and find that I had in fact not done what I had intended to do. I was extremely distracted and I felt out of control.
Then I fell ill and I had to drive myself to the doctor. Although the doctor has rooms in the town I grew up in the trip was still long and stressful for me. His diagnosis was vague and the drips had to be administered extremely slowly so I sat worrying alone in the doctor’s cubicle for many hours.
The desolate feeling of driving alone to a doctor is one which I don’t want any other person to experience.
It is then that the crying started and things at work were getting me down as explained in many of my previous posts. I could not stop crying it was absolutely uncontrollable. I am normally not one to cry – I can go years without crying and at that stage all I wanted to do was roll myself up into the foetus position and cry all day.
Images from the internet.
One day (S) phoned me and I was crying so much that I could not speak to her. I realised that if I could not stop crying I would have to take off work. I took a whole week off and I did indeed cry every moment of that week. My eyelids swole up – it looked like someone had hit me on the eyes.
The next Monday I returned back to work and I started fighting back and did not allow one more person to manipulate me again. They started saying that I had turned into a nasty bitch.
Images from the internet.
I stopped the drips the doctor was giving me and gathered enough information to control my condition by other means. I started taking Vitamin B complex for my memory and that gradually improved to a stage where some of my self confidence returned.
I then started blogging, the contact with other people online helped and that is why I call it therapy.
(S) Recommended me for the job I just started.
I have noticed some of my blogging friends are going through depression right now and I want them to know that you are not always the cause. It is usually the situation you find yourself in which causes the feeling of hopelessness which results in depression.
…. and keep on blogging … 😉
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