I was in one of those moods again today. I use to be a very mellow person, each day I would have the same temperament, unless someone really upset me. About three years ago things changed with my health and I guess these are mood swings that I am suffering from now.

When I get angry I get so angry that I hate with immense hate, an unforgiving hate. I am not a violent person but if I was I would probably commit murder that is how angry I get. To me it feels like I am in a car which is travelling at great speed and I have no control over it. Whatever comes into my mind also flies out of my mouth, so it is best that I hide because I make enemies at an alarming rate.

The sales department has made some complaints about me being too strict with their customer accounts. My defense was that I followed the instructions given to me via the financial manager and then the Sales Director said the worst thing possible … that word … yes … meeting. He is calling a meeting for Tuesday. I am so annoyed and agitated, how can anyone expect me to sit like a little angel in a meeting and behave and say the right little things when I feel this agro and I have no tolerance for this Sales Director to begin with.

There is also a very young salesman who keeps on calling me “Tannie”or “Auntie” I find it annoying and I have asked him for 5 months now to please call me GB and forget about calling me anything else. Then he started calling me something else in Afrikaans which although I am familiar with Afrikaans I am not familiar with all the slang the youngsters use and I got the feeling that what he was saying was derogatory.

This morning I exploded in fury and told him if he did not respect me he must just forget about calling me anything. He was so taken aback because I always make an effort to greet him and chat with him, even making jokes.

Then rudely I said “what do you want?” he had come to ask me something about the customer but I was so angry at that time that now I cannot even remember what he had asked me. He just mumbled that I must have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning and made himself scarce. I feel that it is something that has been annoying me for a long time now but perhaps there was a better way of handling it although I usually barge in and do things in a very direct and abrupt way if I find that people ignore my polite requests.

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